翻译：cool
你好 我是扬斯 Hello, it's Yance.
你好 我是德米特里琼斯回您的电话 Hello, it's Demitri Jones returning your phone call.
-你好 琼斯小姐 你好吗？ -很好 -Hi, Miss Jones. How are you? -OK.
我不确定你是否记得我的名字或者我哥哥的名字 I am not sure if you remember my name,or my brother's name.
他是一个谋杀案的受害者 He was a homicide victim,
案发在1992年 当时您在萨福克郡地区检察官办公室工作 back in 1992, when you were with the Suffolk County District Attorney's Office.
-嗯 -他的名字叫威廉福特 -OK. -His name was William Ford.
您当时和斯蒂芬奥布赖恩一起处理此案 You worked on the case with Stephen O'Brien
还有詹姆斯休斯警官 and Detective James Hughes.
嗯 你想知道什么？ OK, what do you want to know?
我打电话想知道您是否愿意 I was calling to see if you were willing
在您的法律限制下 to, within, you know, your legal restrictions,
回答一些问题 answer some of the questions that have been,
这些问题困扰了22年 sort of, plaguing me for the last 22 years.
不行 我不打算这么做 No. I'm not going to do that.
好 你介意我问下为什么吗？ OK. Do you mind if I ask you why?
因为作为一名公诉人 Because as a prosecutor
发生在大陪审团里的事都是保密的 everything that happens in the Grand Jury is confidential.
-所以我不打算讨论它 -当然 好 -So I'm not going to discuss it. -Sure. Right. No.
我问的是有关调查的事 I'm asking about the investigation.
不 我不愿意 Yeah, no, I'm not willing to discuss any
在电影上和任何人讨论我之前处理的案子 of my prior cases on film with anybody.
-我可以在电话上访问你吗？ -不行 -May I interview you by phone? -No.
-好吧 -我不想讨论案情 -OK, and... -I don't want to discuss the case.
你不想做任何评论吗？ And you don't want to make any comment?
我不想做任何评论 I do not want to make any comment.
-好 琼斯小姐 谢谢 -再见 -OK, Miss Jones. Thank you. -Bye.
我儿子 My son...
躺在棺材里 lying dead in a coffin,
脸上表情非常平静 with the most peaceful look on his face.
你 你的姐姐 You, your sister...
我记得当时在想 And I remember thinking...
没有了他以后我们该怎么办？ "How are we gonna make it without him?
没有了他我们的生活怎么继续？ How will our life go on, without him?"
直到那个时候 Even then,
我也在说 I was saying,
“等我们上法庭！ "Wait until we get to court!
我说 这是一个一生中从未遇到麻烦的年轻人 I said, "This is a young man who has never been in trouble in his entire life.
等我们上法庭！” Wait until we get to court."
葬礼那天你这样对自己说的吗？ So you were saying this to yourself on the day of the funeral?
“等我们上法庭！ "Wait until we get to court.
他不会白死的” This death is not going to be in vain."
我并不感到奇怪这个案子没有开庭审理 I'm not surprised that the case didn't go to trial.
我只是想知道原因 I just want to know all the reasons why.
我不生气 I'm not angry.
我也不愿意接受 I'm also not willing to accept
像其他人说的 that someone else gets to say
谁是威廉呀 who William was.
如果你觉得我问这些问题让你不舒服 And if you're uncomfortable with me asking these questions,
你可以站起来离开 you should probably get up and go.
强岛
我们成长的那些年里 All of the years that we were growing up,
如果我们穿过一个区域 或者经过一个区域 if we went through a section, or passed a section
那里主要聚集了白人的话 that was predominantly white,
你要跑开 you ran.
那时我开始意识到经济上的差异 That's when I started to realize the economic difference.
是的 这些人并不富裕 OK, so these people weren't wealthy,
但是他们富裕在他们是白人 but their wealth was that they were white.
我爸爸名叫乔治亚力山大邓莫尔 My father's name was George Alexander Dunmore.
我两岁的时候他去世了 I was two when my father died.
他患有严重哮喘 He had a severe asthma attack.
他被送往医院的时候 He was taken to the hospital.
有白人候诊室 There was a White waiting room,
和有色人种候诊室 and a Colored waiting room,
虽然当时他非常地 and even though he was critically...
呼吸困难 in respiratory difficulty,
他还是被迫等候 he was made to wait.
就是在那段时间 他死了 And during that period of time, he died.
说说你怎么遇到爸爸的 什么时候你遇到爸爸的？ Tell me the story of how you met Dad. When did you meet Dad?
不要说 “我什么时候遇见他？” Well, let's not say, "When did I meet him?"
而是 “什么时候我意识到他的存在？” When did I become aware of him?
有什么区别吗？ What's the difference?
因为我六年级的时候就见过他了 Because I saw him when I was in the sixth grade,
他当时在七年级 and he was in the seventh grade.
我没和他说过话 I did not speak with him
直到1958年10月 until October of 1958.
我大二 I was a sophomore,
他大三 and he was a junior.
我们住在 And... where we lived,
南卡罗来纳州 查尔斯顿 in Charleston, South Carolina,
有一场加冕舞会 we always had a Coronation Ball
在郡大厅 at County Hall.
你爸爸去了 Your father came over.
他邀请我跳舞 He asked me for a dance,
那晚上他问我是否愿意做他的女孩 and he asked me that night if I would be his girl.
我尝试着装酷 I tried to be cool,
过了几秒钟 and let a few seconds pass
我才答应 before I said, "Yes!"
我没有说好 我说 I didn't say yes, I said,
好吧 我猜可以 "Yeah, I guess so."
你知道吗？ 但是我心里乐得跳了起来 You know? But I was jumping for joy inside.
因为我早就爱上这个男人了 Because I had loved this man from afar
自从我六年级的时候 since I was in sixth grade.
1965年7月10日 我们结婚了 We got married July 10th, 1965.
嗯 Now,
我觉得我丈夫 I think that my husband...
是个很棒男人 是吗？ was a gorgeous man, OK?
他很帅 He was handsome.
我们搬到了纽约 We moved to New York.
我很爱纽约 I absolutely loved it.
我们在布鲁克林找到了一套公寓 We found an apartment in Brooklyn.
我非常喜欢 I enjoyed it immensely.
是那种公寓 It was the kind of apartment building
很多老犹太女士住在那里 that had a lot of old Jewish ladies who lived there.
她们会排在窗前 And they would line up in front of the window
在下午 她们坐在那里 in the afternoon, and they'd sit there.
她们很棒 They were wonderful.
我记得有天我回到家 I remember coming home one day,
她们有人跟我说 and one of them said,
“看起来你怀孕了！” "It looks as if you're going to have a baby!"
我说 “天呐 我以为我藏得很好呢” I said, "Oh, my goodness, I thought I was hiding it."
我很高兴 I was elated, you know.
我唱歌的时候他会静静听 And when I sang he would get quiet,
我停下来 他微微动一下 and when I stopped, he would move a little.
如果我不马上重新唱 And if I didn't start right back up,
他的小脚和小手会不停动 his little feet and hands would be moving.
威廉生于1967年 William was born in 1967.
你爸爸说 这个男孩要被宠坏的 Your father would say, "That boy's gonna be so spoiled."
他是的 他是的 He was. He was.
我在全国教师考试中得了“A” I made an "A" on the national teachers exam.
我爱教书 I loved teaching.
我爱教书 I loved it.
因为我知道受教育意味着什么 Because I knew what being educated
对于我姐妹和我 had done for my sisters and me.
我也知道奋斗 And I also knew the struggle.
我妈妈靠抽取烟丝为生 My mom stripped tobacco for a living,
知道吗？ OK?
她四年级就辍学了 She left school in the fourth grade,
去工作 and went to work.
我帮她学习如何阅读 I helped her learn how to read.
我想她对我一点也不会感到羞耻 I think she had no shame with me,
因为我是最小的 because I was the youngest.
我很骄傲 And I was proud
我能帮她读和写 that I could help her read and write.
我妈妈开始了她的事业 My mother started out her career
在纽约做一名英语老师 in New York City as an English teacher,
一直做到了校长 and worked her way up to become Principal
在托马斯杰弗逊高中 of Thomas Jefferson High School
东纽约 in East New York.
在那里呆了13年后 After 13 years there,
她自己在里克斯开了一所女校 she opened a school for girls and women at Rikers,
为监狱服务 the jail that sits in...
基本上是在拉瓜迪亚机场跑道的尽头 essentially at the end of the runway at LaGuardia Airport.
里克斯岛是美国第二大监狱
她取名叫“紫檀木计划” 她开发了学习课程 She named it Rosewood, and she developed programs
帮助妇女们离开监狱的时候有一技之长 that helped women leave prison with skills,
这样她们在离开监狱的时候有得选择的余地 so that they would have options when they got out of prison.
我爸爸相信 And my father just believed
我妈妈能做好任何事情的能力 in my mother's ability to do anything.
你爸爸在安德鲁盖勒工作 Your father worked at Andrew Geller's.
极好的鞋 Fabulous shoes.
极好的 漂亮的鞋 我很爱它们 Fantastic, beautiful shoes, and I loved them.
他想当设计师 He wanted to be a draftsman.
他参加了交通部的考试 He took the test for the Transit Authority
成为了一名司机 to become a motorman...
但是他仍然在接受学校教育 but he could still go to school.
然后你出生了 Then you were born.
当劳伦出生后 When Lauren was born,
他开心极了 he was overjoyed.
他开心极了 He was overjoyed.
你们慢慢长大 非常吵闹 But as you guys grew, you were so rambunctious.
我们在找一间公寓 We were looking for an apartment.
我们在布鲁克林找 We looked in Brooklyn.
我们找到的房子你爸爸都不喜欢 Nothing that we found did your father like.
他不喜欢任何我们找到的房子 He did not like anything that we found.
我一个月都没跟他说话 知道吗？ I must not have spoken to him for a month, OK?
我在床中间放了枕头 I would put pillows in the middle of the bed,
因为那意味着 because it meant that
我们不得不继续寻找 we had to keep looking,
当时 我不知道他有多坚决 and at the time, I did not know how dead set he was
对于搬到长岛这件事 on moving to Long Island.
我爸爸开J列车 My father drove the J Train,
这列车环路通过一些 which ran on a loop through some of the
这座城市最艰苦的街区 toughest neighborhoods in the city.
从他的列车长室 他看见 From his motorman's cabin, he saw a
一个和我妈妈看到的迥然不同的纽约 very different New York than my mother.
他看见了贫穷 犯罪 He saw poverty, and crime,
和暴力 and violence,
一个快速衰落的城市 and a rapidly declining city.
我爸爸不是一个胆怯的人 My father was not a fearful man.
他是个现实主义者 He was a realist.
他一步一步从南方走了出来 He had already gotten out of the Jim Crow South in one piece,
他不想让他的家庭或我们的未来处在风险中 and he didn't want to put his family or our future at risk.
一个周六我们出来 We came out one Saturday,
和山姆麦克洛见面 and met Sam McCollough.
挺好的 他住在社区里 Nice, you know. He lived in the community.
他是公司的代理 He was the agent for the company
这个公司买土地修建房屋 that bought this land and built the houses.
后来我被告知他们想吸引 I was told later that they wanted to attract...
公务员买家 people who were employed by the city, you know,
他们觉得他们才买得起这些房子 whom they thought could afford the homes.
很多非洲裔美国人 A lot of... African Americans
都搬到长岛 were moving out to Long Island.
公务员 公共汽车司机 警察 管教所官员 Civil servants, like bus drivers, police officers, correction officers...
他们会把他们集中安置 或放在不同城镇的街区 and they would put them in pockets, or neighborhoods in the different towns.
你可以去某些城镇 You could go to certain towns...
去鹿园发现相同的“新区D” 去阿米蒂维尔发现相同的“新区D” go to Deer Park and find the same "new D," Amityville, find the same "new D,"
但是长岛的大部分地方都是白人聚集区 but all the rest of Long Island was, you know, predominantly white.
这样一来在一个街区 So in that one neighborhood,
那里是天堂 it was a haven.
你一出街区 When you would go out, you know...
你可能就回到你的生活 知道吗？ you might be running back for your life, you know?
在新的发展中成长 一个“新区D” Growing up in a new development, a "new D"...
很美好 was beautiful.
很棒 It was wonderful.
很安全 It was safe.
我真的真的不喜欢这样 I really, really did not like it.
每个人都是黑人 Everybody was black.
你觉得是个意外吗？ You think that was an accident?
当然不是 Of course not.
但是 But...
我猜 I guess...
因为我没有成长 not having grown up...
在一个属于自己家的家庭里 in a home that belonged to us as a family,
我想确保 I wanted to ensure
你们能有不同的经历 that you guys had it differently.
这里是我们的家 This has been our home:
中央艾斯利普 科恩大道 147号 147 Cone Avenue, Central Islip.
当他们搬到我长大的中央艾斯利普街区 When they moved to the neighborhood where I grew up in Central Islip,
实际上是搬回了一个隔离的社区 it was essentially moving back into a segregated community.
隔离不仅只是在你的社区划隔离线 Segregation draws a line around not just your neighborhood,
其实是你的人生被隔离了 but your life.
“不好意思 你不能有更多了 不好意思 你不能赚更多了 "Sorry, you can't have more. Sorry, you can't earn more.
你不能在这里买东西 你不能住在这里 你不能搬到这里 You can't shop here.You can't live here. You can't move here.
给你的就这些了” This is it for you."
虽然房子价格可以承担 但是是骗人的 While the houses were affordably priced, it was deceptive.
税收高 公立学校很差 The taxes were high and the public schools were bad.
现在 加上房贷和车款 And now, on top of a mortgage and car payments,
他们要付36年的学费 they had to pay a combined 36 years of tuition
让三个孩子学完天主教学校课程 to put three kids through Catholic school.
事实上 你爸爸被迫要离校了 The bottom line was, your father had to leave college.
这对他太过分了 It got too much for him.
他开始上夜班 He started working the night shift.
有时候我要到南部或者回家 Sometimes I'd be coming down the Southern State, coming home,
他正要去上班 and he'd be going in.
我打下他 他打下我 我们挥挥手 I would blow at him, he'd blow at me and we would wave, you know.
好多好多年来都是这样 And for many, many, many years, that's the way it was.
我觉得对你们是好事 I think it was good for you guys,
但对婚姻美满不利 but not good for a marriage to thrive.
我爱我妈妈 特别是 I loved that my mother, especially,
她总是很清晰表明 无论发生什么 made it really clear that, no matter what,
我哥哥 我妹妹和我 my brother, my sister and I,
人生最重要的事是要我们互相爱护 our principal job in life was to love each other.
我很感激那个指示 I'm grateful for that directive.
这就是其中一个原因为什么我那么思念我的哥哥 It's one of the reasons why I miss my brother so much.
威廉比我大7岁 William was seven years older than I was,
那真棒 and that is fantastic.
9岁的时候有个16岁的哥哥 Being nine years old and having a 16-year-old brother
他能给你搞到限制级的电影 who can get you into R-rated movies
给你买漫画书 and buy you comic books,
带你去兜风 and be able to drive you around...
他会看着我说 “卡托 我们有个任务” He would look at me and say, "Kato, we're on a mission."
无论我们在做什么 No matter what we were doing.
我们可能去杂货店去买 We could be going to the grocery store to pick up...
蜡纸 他会说 “我们有个任务” wax paper, you know, and he was like, "We're on a mission."
对青蜂侠又有一个挑战 Another challenge for the Green Hornet,
他的助手 卡托 他们的移动军火库 黑美人 his aide, Kato, and their rolling arsenal, the Black Beauty.
卡托是绿蜂侠的死党 Kato was the Green Hornet's sidekick.
卡托是由布鲁斯李扮演的 Kato was played by Bruce Lee.
我们看着蝙蝠侠和侠盗罗宾汉一起长大 We grew up watching old-school Batman and Robin,
还有绿蜂侠 and The Green Hornet.
蜂枪 开枪 卡托 Hornet gun. Let's roll, Kato.
被称为卡托是一种荣誉 Being called Kato was like, an honor, you know,
因为布鲁斯李很棒 because Bruce Lee was awesome.
我们都喜欢军事艺术 漫画书那些东西 We both loved martial arts, you know, and comic books and stuff like that.
我们会传着看 We'd, like, pass them around
看看这个 你看到这个艺术品了吗？ and say, "Look at this.Do you see the artwork on this one?"
你看到这个故事了吗？ "Oh, did you see the plotline on this one? Oh, man!
他们要杀了这个人吗？不要啊！ They're going to kill this guy off? No!"
知道吗？ You know?
很棒 It was just awesome.
我们通过踢球认识的 Football is how we met.
他爸爸和我爸爸 他和我 His dad and my dad, and his self and myself,
都在同一个队 were all on the same team.
就是这样我们的友谊开始的 And that's how we began our friendship.
福特是中锋 我是后卫 Ford was a center, I was a defensive end,
我们习惯了依赖彼此 and we used to rely on each other for
来回训练 rides back and forth to practice.
从那时候起 直到他去世 From that time... until he passed away,
我觉得我们非常不可分割 I would pretty much say we were pretty much inseparable.
我和威廉 Me and William.
福特保护他周围的人 Ford was protective of those around him,
特别是他的妹妹们 especially his sisters.
我当时15岁 I was 15.
他是第一个告诉我很美的人 知道吗？ He was the first person to tell me I looked pretty, you know?
他说 “看看你自己” He's like, "Now look at yourself."
他说 “你很美” And he's like, "You're pretty."
我说 “没有 我不美” 他说 “是的 是的 你很美” And I'm like, "No, I'm not." And he's like, "Yes, yes, you are."
这些事我永远忘不了 That's just something I never forgot.
我父母想养育卓越的孩子 My parents wanted to raise remarkable kids.
我们黑人 我们黑人在美国意味着什么 Our blackness, and what it meant to be black in America,
我们黑人如何在美国生存 and how to survive being black in America,
我们黑人在美国需要的弹性 and the resilience that needed to be black in America,
以及骄傲 as well as the pride,
是我们父母 was something that our parents
非常好地灌输给我们的 instilled in us extraordinarily well.
但是他们没有想到还有其他的事情 But it didn't occur to them that there were other things
他们孩子们可能与之斗争 that their kids might struggle with.
威廉的房间原来在我父母房间那里 直接穿过大厅 William's room had been directly across the hall from my parents.
他很快 He quickly...
我记得 OK, what I remember...
从房子主层有五个台阶 There are five steps from the main level of the house
下到地下室 down into the basement.
那个夏天 威廉搬到了地下室 By that summer, William had moved to the basement.
我会偷偷溜进威廉的房间 I would sneak into William's room
我翻看他的杂志 and I'd read his magazines, and...
看了很多《花花公子》杂志 You know, I read a lot of Playboy...
那个夏天！ that summer!
那个夏天我看了很多黄色杂志 I read a lot of Porn magazine that summer.
还有 And...
那是一些我 that was something that I...
感觉 真的 felt, really...
既有 both...
兴奋和惭愧 excited by, and ashamed of.
因为我知道我是同性恋 Because I knew I was queer,
没有人可以谈论这个 and there was no one to talk about it with.
生日快乐 亲爱的扬斯！ Happy birthday,dear Yance!
祝你生日快乐！ Happy birthday to you!
我从来没有问过 我从来没有问过我父母问题 I never asked...I never asked my parents questions.
我们在学校有健康课 You know, we had health class in school,
我学到了性和生育 so I learned about sex and childbirth...
从天主教修女那里 from Catholic nuns.
我没有去上数学课 却去了图书馆 Instead of going to math class, I went to the library and found...
丽塔梅布朗的书 you know, Rita Mae Brown books,
虽然他们比较过时 我喜欢读 and even though they were corny, I read those.
这就是我怎样知道世界上还有其他同性恋的 That's how I learned that there were other gay people in the world.
我从来没有告诉威廉我是同性恋 I never told William that I was queer,
我希望我告诉过他 and I wish I had.
是的 地下室是我哥哥最后的房间 That's right, the basement room was my brother's last room,
他住在家里 and he was living at home,
当他被杀的时候 when he was killed.
我想那是个周末 I think it was a weekend,
因为威廉和蕾丝琳带我去打保龄球 because William and Lesline had taken me bowling.
那晚很好玩 It was a fun night.
我打了96分 I bowled a 96.
回去的路上 On the way back,
我坐在威廉后面 I was sitting behind William.
蕾丝琳在开车 Lesline was driving.
我们想抄近路去布赖特赛德 我们正在转弯 We were going to take the shortcut onto Brightside, and as we were turning,
我看到了一辆拖车没有开灯 I saw this tow truck that didn't have any lights on,
我还没来得及说“小心” and before I could say, "Look out,"
嘣 我们出了车祸 bam, we were in a car accident.
威廉把我拉出了车 William helped me out of the car.
他问我是否没事 He asked me if I was OK.
我说没事 I said yes,
然后他把我扶到了树桩那儿 and then he walked me over to the tree stump,
让我坐下 说“呆在这” sat me down, said, "Stay here."
拖车属于一家汽车修理厂 The tow truck belonged to some kind of body shop,
他们说如果他们不用向警方提交报告 and they said that if they didn't file a police report,
他们才会修蕾丝琳的车 that they would fix Lesline's car.
我只知道车是被撞车的那人修理的 All I knew was that it was being fixed by the guys who hit it.
一旦我发现车在哪里被修 Once I found out where the car was at,
我对福特说 I said to Ford that,
“我不觉得那里是合法的 "I don't think the place is legit.
我不觉得它是你想的那样” I don't think it is what you think it is."
“你要非常小心” That, "You got to be very careful."
他们不是那种你想打交道的人 That they weren't the kind of people you wanted to play around with.
我当时在里克斯岛 I was on Rikers Island at the time,
蕾丝琳为我工作 and Lesline got a job working for me.
有一天 我们开车回家 One day, we were driving home,
她问我能不能靠边停下 and she asked me if I would stop by
她想看看她的车修好了没 so she could see if her car was finished.
但是车没有修好 But it wasn't finished.
就在那个时候事情发生了 And that's when the drama started.
我坐在楼下的沙发里 Sitting downstairs on the sofa,
电话响了 是福特 他说 and the phone rang, and it was Ford, and he says,
“怎么了？ 我需要帮助” "Hey, what's going on? I need a favor."
于是我说 “怎么了？” 他说 “我要去拿我的车” So I said, "What's up?" And he goes, "I need to go to pick up the car."
很晚了 我觉得有点奇怪 It was late, I thought it was weird,
但是在那个时候 我知道了修车厂晚上一直营业 but at that point I'd known the shop to be open all types of hours of night.
于是我说 “好吧！你确定要去拿车？” So I said, "Oh, great! Are you sure you're picking up the car?"
他说 “是啊 都修好了” 我说 “好吧 He's like, "Yeah, it's all done," and I'm like, "This is over.
我们上车吧 好吧” Let's get in the car. It's over."
我上了车 开了三个 I got in the car, went the three
街区到了福特家 blocks to get to Ford's house.
他出来 心情不错 He came outside, seemed in a good mood,
所以我什么都没想 so I didn't think anything.
他上了车 He gets in the car.
我记得起动了车 然后说 I remember turning the car on and saying,
“去皇后吧” "Let's go to Queens."
“皇后”是我们的脱衣舞酒吧 "Queens" was our strip club's...
是去脱衣舞酒吧的暗号 code for going to a strip club.
“去皇后 喝点啤酒” "Let's go to Queens, let's get a beer."
他说 “当然 我先去拿车” He goes, "Yeah, sure. Let me just go and get the car."
我说好 I said OK.
我们走到街上第一个停车标志处 We got up the street to the first stop sign,
我又说 “我们应该喝点啤酒” and again I said,"I think we should go get a beer,"
他说 “凯文 你很烦 带我去拿车” and he says, "Kev, you're bugging. Take me to get the car."
我们转弯 我们驶向弗恩代尔 We turn, we start heading down Ferndale
朝布赖特赛德方向 towards Brightside, and...
一拐弯就差不多到了 once you make that turn it's pretty much right there.
我记得他进了院子 I remember him going into the yard and
有人从店门口出来 somebody coming out of the shop door
和他在院子碰头 and meeting him in the yard.
立刻就开始交谈了 And immediately words started getting exchanged.
我说 “我们走吧” And I said, "Oh, here we go."
没有什么肢体冲撞 也没有什么失控 And it's nothing physical, and it's nothing too out of control,
所以我啥也没说 so I'm just, like, not saying nothing.
我就站在那里 然后 I'm just kind of standing there, and then...
有人走出车库来 someone walked out of the garage area.
三步 四步 然后不走了 Three feet, four feet, stopped dead in his tracks.
福特转头说 Ford turned and said,
“凯文 就是那个小子骂我的妈妈” "Kevin, that's the kid that cursed out my mother."
那个时候 我们打小没有人敢不尊敬你的妈妈 And then, back we grew up, nobody disrespects your mom.
那个时候 我知道有人要打起来了 At that point, I knew somebody was going to get into a fight.
没啥好说的 我说 “好吧” There was nothing for me to say, so I just said, "OK."
福特走向他 And Ford went to walk towards him.
那小子转身 The kid turned,
回到了车库 然后左转 went back in the garage and made a left.
不见了 Disappeared.
在福特进到车库门左转的时候 The minute Ford walked into that garage door and made a left,
我听到了砰的一声 I heard a pop.
我对那人说 “见鬼 那是什么？” And I said to the guy, I said,"What the hell was that?"
他说 “我不知道” And he says, "I don't know."
我说 “听起来像空气压缩机的声音” I said, "It sounded like an air compressor,"
我说 “你们这里有枪吗？” and then I said, "Do you guys have a gun here?"
他说 “后面有一把” He said, "Yeah, we have one in the back."
我说 “糟了” I said, "Oh, shit."
电话响了 The phone rang.
凯文打来的 Kevin was on the phone.
“福特夫人 "Ms. Ford,
您需要到超级站（店名）来下” you need to come to Super Stang."
我说 “为什么？” I said, "Why?"
他说 “出事了” He said, "Something happened."
她坐上车 She takes the car.
她驶出车道 And all I know is that she pulled out of the driveway,
开往科恩大道 heading down Cone Avenue.
那里有个路障 There was a barricade.
没有长官跟我说话 No officer spoke to me.
没有长官 No officer...
看了我一下 would look at me.
凯文向我走来 Kevin came to me,
他说 and he said,
“马克赖利枪杀了威廉” "Mark Reilly shot William."
我对长官说 And I said to the officer,
你知道 you know...
“我的儿子在哪里？我想和我儿子在一起” "Where is my son? I want to be with my son."
然后他对我说 And he told me that...
他们带他去拍照了 they had taken him to LIPA,
要空运他 to airlift him...
去斯托尼布鲁克 to Stony Brook.
我们去急诊室 We went to the emergency room.
他在的那个区域 The area where he was,
是 was...
从这里到墙那里 from here to that wall...
有一些床 是人们接受治疗的地方 with beds, you know, where people were being treated.
嗯 And...
他躺在那里 he was laying there.
他看起来好平静 And he looked so peaceful.
尸体是 "The body is that of
发育良好的肥胖黑人男性 a well-developed obese black male.
体重240磅 The body weighs 240 pounds,
身高5英尺8英寸 is five feet, eight inches in height,
与24岁报告年龄相符 and appears compatible with the reported age of 24 years.
死亡原因：胸口枪伤 Cause of death: gunshot wound of chest.
死亡方式：谋杀” Manner of death: homicide."
11点已经过了 Eleven o'clock rolls by.
午夜降临 我还没有听到妈妈的任何消息 Midnight comes by, and I haven't heard anything from Mom.
爸爸回家了 已经凌晨1点了 And Dad gets home. It's about one o'clock in the morning.
“你在这里干嘛？你妈妈呢？威廉在哪里？” "What are you doing up? Where is your mother? Where is William?"
我说 “他打架了 妈妈去接他了” And I'm like, "He was in a fight and Mom went to get him."
我听见外面有辆车停下来 I hear a car pull up outside.
爸爸看着她 我下楼看着她 You know, Dad's looking at her, I'm downstairs looking at her,
她进屋来 她说 “他已经离开了” and she comes in and she's like,"He's gone."
-她是这样说的吗？ -是的 -Is that how she said it? -Yeah.
爸爸搂着她 Dad just held her,
搂着我 and held me, and...
哭了 cried.
我们都哭了 We all just cried.
你知道吗？ You know?
爸爸把我送上楼 Dad sent me upstairs to my room.
无论她解释什么，她都在对爸爸解释 Whatever she explained, she explained to Dad.
她从不对我解释 She never explained it to me.
我老板让我打电话回家 My boss asked me to call home.
她是汉密尔顿多元文化交流中心的主任 She was the Dean of Multicultural Recruitment at Hamilton.
我问她出什么事了 I asked her what was wrong.
她让我保持镇静 She told me to stay calm.
我跟她说不要让我保持镇静 I told her not to tell me to stay calm.
我爸爸接了电话 My dad answered the phone.
我说 “是妈妈吗？” I said, 'Is it Mom?'
他说 “你妈妈没事” He said, 'Your mother is fine.'
我说 “劳伦呢？” 或者我说 “发生什么了？” I said, 'Lauren?' Or maybe I said, 'What's happening?'
他说 “你哥哥走了” He said, 'Your brother is gone.'
对话后面的部分我就记不清了 The next part of the conversation is a blur to me.
我记得我尖叫着敲打着墙 I remember screaming and punching the wall.
收拾了一些衣服 Packing a few clothes,
包括一条裙子 including the one dress I owned,
离家出走了 and leaving.
开始是这样的 That was the beginning.
我记得走进了一间房子 I remember walking into the house
立刻感觉被一群陌生人包围着 and feeling immediately like I was surrounded by strangers,
即使他们是我一生中最熟悉的人 even though they were people I had known for most of my life.
我记得走进去 压抑着冲动 I remember walking in and having to suppress the urge
让每个人快她妈滚出去 to tell everyone to get the fuck out of the house.
我妈妈在沙发上 睡一会哭一会 My mother was on the couch, sleeping and crying.
我爸爸 My father was...
呆呆的 stunned.
崩溃了 Imploding.
我妹妹 My sister...
一个人 was alone.
我觉得所有在场的人都在挡道 And I felt like all the people who were there were in the way,
挡住了我的视线 and were obstructing my ability to see
下一个威胁来自哪里 where the next threat was coming from.
如果我能转身离开 If I could have turned around and left,
我会离开 但是没有办法 I would have, but that wasn't an option.
我们去和检察官见面 We went to meet with the DA.
我不打算骗你说 I'm not going to lie to you and say,
“检察官这样说 警官那样说” "Well, the DA said this and the detective said that."
我能告诉你的是 This is what I can tell you:
从他们说的话 from what they said,
我不觉得我们被当作 I did not feel that we were received
受害者的父母 as parents of a victim.
我们没有被当作受害者的父母 OK? We weren't received as parents of a victim.
我们被当作 We were received as...
那些被告知必须进行调查的人 folks being informed that an investigation had to be conducted,
将被调查的人 and would be conducted.
知道吗？ OK?
我 I...
傻到相信 was foolish enough to think
你知道的 that, well, you know,
“一切都会好起来的” "It's gonna be OK."
然后有一天我接到一个电话 And then one day I got a call to come...
要去见琼斯夫人 see Ms. Jones.
我们对这种事没有经验 We had no experience with this kind of stuff.
也许我应该找个律师 我不知道接下来怎么办 Maybe I should have had a lawyer. I don't know what should have went on.
她电话里说 “来见我” She called and said "Meet me."
你去到那里 回答问题 有关那个晚上 You just go there, answer questions...you know, about that night.
我就是这么想的 That's what I thought.
老实说 我不知道她是检察官 我以为要见的是警官 To be honest, I didn't know she was a DA. I was thinking I was going to a detective.
她进屋的时候吓了我一跳 I was shocked when she walked in the room.
她真的是从健身的事开始聊的 She really started with the stuff with the gym.
她说 “你的身材很好” She was like, "You look like you're in pretty good shape,"
“你的体重多少？” and, "How much do you weigh?"
她问威廉的体格 She asked something about William's size,
说的比问的多 我不记得她坐下了 kind of, more telling me than asking me, and I don't think she sat down.
她在桌子前走来走去 She kept walking back and forth in front of the table.
只是 It was just...
我说 I was like,
“为什么他们问的都是力量和健身的事” "Why are they asking me all these questions about strength and gym and..."
没有问多少那晚上的事 It was not a lot about that night,
或者关于 or about...
威廉 William.
他们花时间的事 What they spent time on
是调查他的背景 was investigating his background.
那是他们花时间的事 That's what they spent time on.
一天又一天 你听说你的儿子被调查了 Day by day, you hear that your son is being investigated.
一天又一天 你听到很多谣言 Day by day, you hear rumors.
你变得越来越害怕 And you grow more and more afraid.
无数次 Countless number of times,
整夜 at all hours of the night,
在我哥哥被杀的那个夏天 during the summer after my brother was killed,
我看到窗外 I could look outside the window,
街对面停着一辆车 and there was a car parked across the street.
那辆车和车里面的人 That car, and whoever was in that car
在监视我们家 试着恐吓我的父母 was watching our house and trying to intimidate my parents.
电话午夜响起 The phone rang in the middle of the night,
连续几个月的晚上 every night for months.
我在家的时候 我把家里的电话线都拔掉 When I was home, I unplugged all of the phones in the house
除了我房间那部 except for the one in my room,
这样我父母才能睡一整晚 so my parents could sleep through the night.
这样他们才不用接电话说 “喂？” So that they wouldn't have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello?"
却没有任何回复 and not have anyone respond.
这样他们才不用挂了电话走到窗户 So they wouldn't have to hang up the phone and go to the window,
看见街对面停的车 and see the car sitting across the street.
在南方长大 Having grown up in the South,
那里警匪都是一样的 where the cops and the Klan were one and the same,
我父母没有向警察寻求保护 my parents didn't turn to the police for protection.
他们已经觉得警察 They had already felt that the police
把他们的儿子 had turned their own son
变成了主要嫌疑人 into the prime suspect in his own murder.
所以不仅是电话铃 So not only is the phone ringing,
不仅是街对面有辆车 not only is there a car across the street,
而是越来越觉得 but there's the growing sense
检察官实际上将让那小子 that the DA is going to actually let this kid
逃脱谋杀的罪名 get away with murder.
1992年5月20日 地方检察官 詹姆斯卡特森 "May 20th, 1992. District Attorney James Catterson.
亲爱的卡特森先生 我是威廉福特的妈妈 Dear Mr. Catterson, I am the mother of William Ford Jr.
他是被麦克赖利谋杀的24岁男子 a 24-year-old man who was murdered by Mark Reilly.
我的家庭和我同詹姆斯休斯警官 My family and I have been working with Detective James Hughes
以及助理检察官斯蒂芬奥布莱恩 and Assistant DA Stephen O'Brien
一起在调查此案 regarding the investigation of this crime.
我们一直在等待并配合调查 We have waited and worked cooperatively with the investigation.
然而我却有一种挥之不去的疑虑 There is, however,a nagging doubt which I have,
针对此案的起诉过程 regarding the prosecution of this crime.
现在 据他被谋杀已接近2个月 Now, nearly two months later after his deliberate death,
我和我的家人还没有从赖利家人那里收到只言片语 I and my family have yet to receive even a note from the Reillys.
更伤人的是 Adding insult to injury,
我现在担心你的机构还没有充分履行 I now fear that your office has not yet fully embraced the advocacy
为纽约州人民辩护的职责 在此案的审理过程中 for the people of the State of New York in the prosecution of this case.
为什么？ Why?
因为我们被告知 “这都取决于大陪审团” It is because we are being told, quote,'It is entirely up to the Grand Jury.'
我相信陈述的份量 I believe that the strength of the presentation
由你们机构向大陪审团所做的是决定性因素 made to the Grand Jury by your office is the determining factor.
我儿子没有武器 不暴力 不具有侵略性 My son was not armed, not violent, not aggressing.
没有任何理由他的死说得过去 In no way is his death justifiable.
在凶手被绳之以法之前我决不罢休 I intend never to rest until his murderer is brought to justice.
你的机构为纽约州人民辩护 With the advocacy of your office for the people of the State of New York,
我相信很快 I trust that it will be soon,
也是为我们这些人民辩护 for we too, are the people.
芭芭拉 邓莫尔福特 Barbara Dunmore-Ford."
你知道 大陪审团对于人们来说挺神秘的 You know, the Grand Jury is sort of this mystery, right, to people,
它是写入我们宪法的 And it's written right into our Constitution.
所以它不应该很神秘 但是它确实是 So really, it shouldn't be a mystery, but it is.
人权法案要求在重案中成立大陪审团 You know, the Bill of Rights calls for a Grand Jury in felony cases,
允许检察官向中立方陈述证据 and that allows the prosecutor to present its evidence to a neutral party,
无论是大陪审团还是法官出现在预听证中 whether it's a Grand Jury or a judge in a preliminary hearing,
说明了两件事 to show that there's two things:
第一 可能有犯罪 one, that there is probable cause that a crime has been committed,
第二 可能有罪犯 and probable cause that this is the individual who committed the crime.
因此在一次审判中 我们必须证明除了合理怀疑外还有道义上的必然性 So at a trial, we have to prove beyond reasonable doubt, to a moral certainty,
被指控的被告是犯了罪的 that the person charged is the defendant who committed the crime.
但是在大陪审团 这只是可能的原因 But in the Grand Jury it's just probable cause.
为了让案子受审 大陪审团可能会不得不 In order for the case to go to a trial, the Grand Jury would have had to...
我不在现场 但是大概他们会投“起诉决议” I mean, I wasn't there, but presumably they would have voted a True Bill,
这样才有理由继续审理下去 saying that there was probable cause to move forward.
所以大陪审团有点神秘 我想对于普通公众来说 So a Grand Jury is somewhat mysterious, I think, to the general public.
另一个原因 是个秘密 Another reason that is, is that it's secret.
你知道 事实上 And, you know, that actually...
我想有些人关心这点 I think some people get concerned with that.
事实上可能是对被告的保护 It's actually supposed to be a protection for the defendant.
这里的观念是 And the idea there is, you know,
如果大陪审团决定没有合理的原因 if the Grand Jury decides that there is not probable cause,
这个人就不会 that the person should not have the stigma of, you know,
被带到大陪审团面前 having been brought before a Grand Jury.
你知道 And, you know,
揭秘大陪审团的材料在司法中可能是犯罪 the disclosure of secret Grand Jury material can be a crime in jurisdictions,
检察官揭秘也当然是不道德的 and it's certainly unethical for a prosecutor to disclose...
发生在大陪审团里的事 things that happen in a Grand Jury.
大陪审团成员自己是不能揭秘的 And the Grand Jurors themselves can't disclose.
在纽约 证人们 Now, the witnesses, in New York,
可以自由谈论他们在大陪审团上陈述的内容 are free to talk about what they presented to the Grand Jury.
闪过我脑海的是 What flashed into my mind just
现在 是我们等候的房间 now, was the room we were waiting in.
助理检察官进来了 The ADA came in,
叫我进去作证 and called me in to testify.
我走进去 坐下 I walk in. I sit down.
我环视房间 I look around the room.
我看不到像我这样的人 I see nobody who looks like me.
没有有色人种 No person of color.
他们坐在一个像剧院的地方 They were sitting in an area like a theater.
升高的座椅 Elevated seats.
那儿至少有20几个人 There must have been twenty-something people there.
一个在读书 One person was reading a book,
另一个女士在看杂志 another lady was reading a magazine,
有人在交谈 there was a conversation going on...
我感觉 当我坐在椅子里时 My feelings were, when I sat in that chair...
他们不在乎我要说什么 was, "They don't care about what I have to say.
他们真的不在乎” They really don't."
他们没有注意听 They weren't paying attention.
他们没有 They weren't.
明白吗？ OK?
嗯 And...
我很生我的气 I became very angry with myself,
因为在那一刻 because at one point...
我哭了 I began to cry.
而且我 And I...
恨那个时刻 hated that moment.
因为 Because...
我觉得 I felt that...
他们会说 you know, they were going to say,
“又是另一个黑人女人 "Here is another black woman
没有照顾好她的孩子 who didn't do her job with her child,
现在她想让我们找人为她买单 and now she wants us to make somebody pay."
我就是这样感觉的 That's how I felt.
当你爸爸回来时 When your father came back,
他对我说 he said to me...
”什么都别指望 "Don't expect anything,
因为不会发生的” because it ain't gonna happen."
-你怎么发现的？ -他们来了 -And how did you find out? -They came here.
谁来了？ Who came here?
一个助理检察官 One ADA,
和一个警官 and a detective.
他们跟你说什么？ And what did they tell you?
他们不会起诉 They didn't indict.
他们投了“不起诉决议” They returned a No True Bill.
就是这样？ That was it?
“抱歉” "I'm sorry."
之后发生了什么？ What happened after that?
我打开门说 “谢谢你的到访” I opened the door and said, "Thank you for coming."
我会对你非常诚实的 And I will be very honest with you.
门关了以后 我就崩溃了 When that door closed, I collapsed.
我从来没有 哪怕一次 I haven't ever, not once,
尝试去想象他的样子 tried to imagine what he looks like.
我想他像 I think he looks like...
无意冒犯在场的人 no offense to present company,
每一个我见过的白人 every white man I've ever seen.
我觉得他像检票员 I think he looks like...the ticket taker...
在长岛铁路上 on the Long Island Railroad.
我觉得他像 I think he looks like, you know...
在我前面买啤酒的人 the guy in front of me, buying a beer,
在酒吧里 at the bar.
我觉得他像 I think he looks like, you know...
打我车的傻瓜 the schmuck who took my cab.
他像理疗师 He looks like my physical therapist.
他像 He looks like, you know...
任何人 每个人 anybody, anyone, everyone.
他无处不在 He's everywhere.
他看上去到处都是 He looks like everywhere.
这是你在高中的时候做的一件事 It's one of those things you do in high school.
每个人只是 Everybody just....
证明他们自己 proves themselves.
福特每天都证明他自己 And... Ford proved himself on a daily basis!
我猜当他意识到自己的体型时 他就开始了这种性格 He just took on this personality, I guess, once he realized his size,
他可以恐吓别人 and that he could... you know, that he could intimidate people.
那天实际上是我的生日 我想那天是我16岁的生日 It was actually my birthday, I think it was my 16th birthday,
一个更具威胁性的孩子决定 and one of the more menacing kids decided
那天轮到选我了 that day was my turn to get picked on.
我们在打架 他的一个朋友有刀 We were in a fight, and one of his friends had a knife,
他尝试把刀给正在和我打架的人 and tried to give the knife to the person I was engaged with.
福特阻止了他 他说 Ford just stopped him, and he goes,
“要是我是你我不会那样做” "I wouldn't do that if I was you."
他夺了刀 那小子看着他 He just grabbed the knife and the kid just kind of looked at him,
回去在一边看打架了 and went back to watching the fight.
我不知道他是否救了我的命 You know, I don't know if he saved my life.
福特非常保护周围的人 It was just, Ford was very protective.
福特11年级的时候拿了驾照 Ford got his license in the 11th grade.
你家有一辆非常大的绿色旅行车 Your family had an extremely large, green station wagon.
我想大概能容纳15人 I think it probably fit, like, 15 people in it,
我们确定它可以 and we made sure that it did.
我们去不同的城镇旅行 And we would travel to different towns,
找麻烦 找妹子 looking for trouble and looking for girls.
百分之九十的麻烦 百分之十的妹子 Ninety-nine percent trouble and one percent girls!
我第一次见他是1985年 So the first time I met him was in '85,
那是我们在华盛顿州霍华德大学的第一年 our freshman year at Howard University in Washington DC.
福特是唯一穿衬衣打领带的人 And Ford was the only one that had on a shirt and tie,
穿长裤 还有一双礼服鞋！ slacks, and some... you know, a pair of dress shoes!
其他每个人都穿运动鞋和短裤 Everybody else was in sneakers and shorts.
很奇怪 And it was strange,
因为你首先想到的是 because the first thought you would think is,
“他是书呆子吗？” "Is he a nerd?"
他是老古董 或者 You know, was he a square, or...
但是他实际上都不是 But he actually wasn't any of that.
他只是 You know, he was just...
他喜欢给别人留个好印象 知道吗？ He liked to make a good impression, you know?
第二学期对他来说最难 The second semester was the hardest for him.
他不喜欢霍华德大学 He didn't love Howard, you know.
他想回家 他想回家 He wanted to be home, you know. He wanted to be home. Yeah.
1989年1月30日 "January 30th, 1989.
我试图保持我生活的所有方面都平衡 I'm trying to keep all aspects of my life balanced
都成功 and be successful in all of them.
我今天翘课去找工作 I cut school today to go get a job.
我找了一个周日到周四 3到11点的班 开计程车 I got a Sunday-to-Thursday three-to-11 shift, driving a cab.
我要赚钱买情人节和妈妈生日的礼物 I need the money for Valentine's Day and Mom's birthday,
我的另一份工作要到十五号才开始 and my other job doesn't start until the 15th."
无题 Untitled.
看着她就好平静 "Looking at her is peace itself.
他最后去了他想去的地方 He is at last where he has longed to be.
最后 她心里爱的地方 Finally, a loving place in her heart.
他看着她 开始怀疑 He looks upon her and now begins to wonder
是否能拥有对一个人如此炙热的爱 if the love of someone so radiant can be possessed.
他喜欢抱着她 He likes holding her in his arms,
靠近他 好像拥有同一颗心脏一样一起呼吸 close to him, breathing together as if from one heart.
他爱她温柔的吻在他的脖子上 He loves her gentle kisses under his neck
那使他无力站起来 that make him powerless to stand.
她知道她萦绕在他的梦中吗？ Does she know that she is the ghost that haunts his dreams?
一个又一个的梦中 Dream, and dream.
他开始怀疑 He begins to wonder.
他看着她因为他不想 He looks at her because he doesn't want
失去他不确定真正拥有的 to lose what he is not certain he truly has.
他总是会看着 He will always look.
她想要的任何东西 Anything she wants.
威廉福特” William Ford, Jr."
有些事 一直萦绕在我心里 Some of the stuff, I couldn't wrap my mind around.
我说 “老兄你在写什么？” I said, "Bread, man, what are you writing about, man?"
但是回顾往事 But in retrospect,
这可能就是生活 it could have just been life, man, you know.
威廉需要一份让他脚踏实地的工作 William needed a job to get him back on his feet,
我妈妈帮他得到了一个职位 and my mother helped him get a position
当助教 as an assistant teacher.
他被派往里克斯岛的男校 He was assigned to the boys' school on Rikers Island
帮忙给关在那里的年轻人上数学课 and helped teach math to the young men who were jailed there.
当他开始上课 When Cornbread started teaching
在里克斯 我想他的天真已经失去了 at Rikers, I think his innocence was lost.
是个悲剧 The tragedy...
看见别人 to see others...
像你一样的人 that... that look like you
还在受束缚 are you...still in bondage.
试着把你的注意力集中在需要做的事情上 To try to wrap your mind around what needs to be done,
在你年轻的时候 at a young age,
意识到没有什么能快速修复 realizing there's no quick fix,
这就像一个文化冲击 and this was...it was like a culture shock.
我觉得他在里克斯的经历 I think the... his experience at Rikers
让他成熟了 deepened him, you know?
让他成熟了 It deepened him,
到了 to the point that...
他想去使 he wanted to... to make...
他的努力是有意义的 make his... efforts count for something.
是的 Yeah.
威廉朝车库走去 左转 William walked towards the garage and made a left.
也许不到两三秒 It wasn't maybe two seconds, three seconds...
我听到一声 砰 I just heard, like, a pop.
当我到车库门的时候 By the time I got to the garage door,
威廉正在后退 William was backpedaling,
他打着转 瞪大眼睛 and he just kind of spun, I mean, with the biggest eyeballs,
他看着我说 “凯文 他开枪打我” and he just looked at me and he goes, "Kev, he shot me."
我没有足够的力量把他抱起来 And... I wasn't strong enough to hold him up.
我们都摔到地上了 We both kind of fell to the ground.
有一次我问那个叫汤姆的人 You know, once I asked the guy, he was named Tom,
“是什么样的枪？” "What kind of gun is it?"
他说 “是22口径来福枪” And he goes,"Oh, it's a twenty-two. It's a rifle."
我轻轻笑起来 So I kind of chuckled and I...
是那种打兔子和鸟的枪 you know, it's kind of something you use to hunt rabbits or birds, you know?
我记得我笑了 我扶着福特 I remember laughing, and I'm holding Ford, and going,
“兄弟 你被点22打中了！ "Dude you got shot with a .22!
真是滑稽！ 你在开玩笑吧？起来！” This is hilarious! Are you kidding me? Get up!"
嗯 And,
福特什么都没有说 Ford wasn't saying nothing.
我说 “老兄 起来” I'm like, "Dude, get up."
嗯 And...
然后我看到了一些 Then I saw some kind of...
液体 在路面上 fluid, you know, on the pavement,
我就说 “那是什么？” and I'm just, like, "What is that?"
嗯 And...
从来没有 you know, it was never...
我从来没有见过血 I never saw any blood.
我只记得当时事情发生得很快 I just remember things happening very fast at that point.
警察来了 他们抓住我 The police came and they're, like, grabbing me,
把我从福特身边拉开 我说 “你不能留他在那里” and pulling me to get away from Ford, and I'm like, "You can't leave him there!"
他们说 “里面有个人有枪 到车后面去” And they're like, "There's a person with a gun inside, get behind the car."
他们把我拉到了警车后面 把福特留在了那里 They put me behind the police car and they left Ford there.
我说 “你不能留他在那里” I'm like, "You can't leave him here."
有一个警官说 “你最好不要动” And, one police officer was like, "You better not move."
接下来我知道的就是 And the next thing I know,
他们带着对他开枪的人走出来了 they were walking out with the guy that, you know, shot him.
他没有戴手铐 让我觉得很奇怪 And he never went in handcuffs, and that was kind of odd to me.
我不记得他们把他送上了警车 他们把他送上了车 I don't remember them putting him in a police car. They put him against the car.
接着是一场谈话 And there was a conversation that ensued.
这是我觉得很奇怪的一部分 我一直注意那个部分 That's the part that was just weird to me. I kept paying attention to that part.
这时 有一辆豪车停了下来 At some point, a limousine pulled up,
我记得他们把这个小子带到豪车那里 and I remember them walking this kid to the limousine.
我站在那里说 “他没有戴手铐 太疯狂了 And I just stood there, like, "This is crazy that he's not in handcuffs,
他要上那辆豪车” that he's going to get into a limo."
他在车上待了一会 He was in there for some period of time.
我一直在问 “救护车在哪里？ 发生什么了？” I kept asking, I said, "Where's the ambulance? What's going on?
我要去看看福特 我要去看看我的朋友” I've got to go see Ford. I've got to go see my friend."
警察说 “你哪里都不要去 你要去分局 And this cop is like, "You're not going anywhere, you're coming to the precinct.
你有很多问题要回答 You have a lot of questions to answer.
你得明白今晚有个男人被谋杀了 ” You have to understand that a man has been murdered here tonight."
这样我才知道 大概福特已经死了 It's how I found out that Ford had already, I guess, passed away.
我站在那里 我说 And I remember standing there, and I'm like,
“什么？ 你什么意思？ 他死了？” "What? What do you mean? He's dead?"
从威廉被击中的那刻 From the time that William was shot
到豪车停下来 and that limo pulled up,
后来事情就变成了 the story got made then.
你知道 You know,
这个人 that this person...
是不会被送进监狱的 was not going to jail, period.
你懂得的 You know.
是不会发生的 It just wasn't going to happen.
威廉被杀了以后 我 So after William was killed, I was...
我想在我的头后面长一双眼睛 I tried to have eyes in the back of my head.
我表达清楚了吗？ Am I saying what I really mean?
我记得进来 我记得 I remember coming here and I remember...
你知道 you know, kind of...
进来看到你们 you know, kind of coming inside and seeing you guys.
你妈妈坐在沙发上 And your mom was sitting on the couch,
我害怕靠近她 and I was kind of scared to approach her.
她说 “过来” And she was, like... She's like, "Come here."
我走过去 她说 “坐在我腿上” And I kind of walked over and she said, "Sit on my lap."
她说 “凯文 只有两件事” And she said, "Kevin, just two things."
她说 “不要抛弃我” She goes, "Don't desert me,"
她说 and she goes,
“福特会希望这样 他想要你在这里” "This is what Ford would have wanted. He would have wanted you to be there."
只是 That was just...
这样让我无法呼吸 你知道吗？ It took the air out of me, you know?
让我喘不过气来 It left me constantly winded, man.
知道吗 You know.
知道吗 You know...
我决定不要任何人看到我的伤心 I decided not to let anybody see me upset.
因为他们会谈论此事 Because then they would want to talk about it.
我不想谈论此事 那时候 我不想谈论这件事 And I don't want to talk about it. Back then, I didn't want to talk about it.
所以无论何时有人问我怎么样 我说挺好 So whenever anybody asked me how I was doing, I said I was doing fine.
我开始有时候 I started spending some time...
不回家 因为我一个人没法待在那里 away from home, because I couldn't be here by myself.
或者和我爸爸和妈妈一起 Or, you know, with Mom and Dad.
妈妈会不由自主地哭起来 Mom just spontaneously crying, and...
如果放学后我不和我的朋友一起 If I wasn't with my friends after school,
我要么在自己的房间 I was here, either in my room,
要么看电视 or watching TV.
只是静静待着 And just... just staying quiet.
威廉被杀以后 我被吓到了 After William was killed, I was scared.
我害怕离开家 I was scared to leave my home,
我害怕留在那里 I was scared to stay.
我害怕我父母会... I was scared that my parents would...
你爸爸和我说 Your father said to me,
“不要做伤害我女儿们的事 "Don't do anything to hurt my daughters.
不要做伤害我女儿们的事 Don't do anything to hurt my girls.
这些都是恶毒的人 These are vicious people.
你的儿子像狗一样被杀了 Your son was shot down like a dog.
你不会永远和他们在一起的 You're not going to be with them always,
我不会永远和他们在一起的 I'm not with them always.
我们只剩下女儿们了” The girls are all we have left."
我想他生气 I wanted him to be angry.
我想他愤怒 I wanted him to be outraged.
我想他 I wanted him...
去 to...
我想他拿把枪 I wanted him to get a gun...
为他儿子的死报仇 to avenge my son's death.
他变得沉默了 He became silent.
我们从未像家人一样坐下来谈谈发生了什么 We never sat down as a family and talked about what happened.
我们只是 We just kind of...
进入自己的空间 进入自己的头脑 went into our own spaces, went into our own heads.
整个屋子都静止了 The house had a stillness
不像我曾经感受过的 unlike anything I've ever felt
在我的生命中 in my life.
好像 It was like...
所有的声音 all the sound...
都从世界上消失了 left the world.
我想 I thought...
我可以安慰你爸爸 that I could comfort your father,
或者 他可以安慰我 or... and that he would comfort me.
但是他转过身 But he turned his back.
我移过去 移过去 I would move over, over...
他再也躲不远了 and... he couldn't go any further.
他再也躲不远了 He couldn't go any further.
所以我起来 绕到床边 So I got up and I walked around the bed,
我站在他面前 and I got in front of him.
我只是说 I just said,
“不是你一个人的损失 "It's not your loss.
是我们的损失 It's our loss.
我们一起创造了这个孩子 We, together, created this child.
这些年主把他赐予了我们 God granted him to us for these years.
你不能为我身上的问题感到悲伤 You can't grieve an issue that came from my body,
还把我排斥在外” and shut me out."
我们都哭了 And we both cried.
他抱着我 我们都哭了 He embraced me, and we both cried.
然后我们睡着了 And that's how we went to sleep.
杨斯 低头 Yance, go down.
你为什么不让我们扣上你的带子？ Why don't you let us button up your strap?
不要 No.
我爸爸中风了 My father had the stroke that
使他的左半身瘫痪 paralyzed him on the left side of his body
在我哥哥被杀后一年 the year after my brother was killed.
帮我站起来 Help me stand up.
帮你站起来？ Help you stand up?
是 Yeah.
好 Right. OK.
杨斯 站在爸爸旁边 Yance, stand next to Dad.
-你想站在我旁边吗？ -是 -Do you want to stand beside me? -Yeah.
-你在哪里？ -我在这 -Where are you? -I'm right here.
这边好 That's the good side.
右边好 The right side is the good side.
-我知道 -好 -I know. -Alright. OK.
笑一下 爸爸 Smile, Dad.
还有呢？ What else?
很好 我拍好了 OK, this is good. I'm done.
静静转向黑暗 And... fading to black.
当我上大学的时候 我确实一开始就做我想做的事 When I went to college, I did start doing what I wanted to do.
我申请去罗切斯特警察局 I had filled out an application for the Rochester Police Department...
知道吗？ you know?
我去了门罗郡 And I was looking into the Monroe Sheriff's County...
门罗郡司法部 the Monroe County Sheriff's Department.
我想 我想去 I wanted to... I was pursuing...
在那里做一名警察或者一名急症科医生 you know, being a cop or being an EMT up there,
当爸爸中风的时候 when Dad had his stroke,
嗯 and...
妈妈说 “我们负担不起你了” Mom was like, "We can't afford to keep you up there."
早上7：30 我起床晚了 7:30 in the morning. I had woken up late.
我穿好衣服 收拾好东西 I got dressed, got my stuff together...
我要去上课 有考试 I had to go to class, because we had a test.
我进入城市 做我的事 I go into the city. I do my thing.
我回到家 I come back home,
第一件事我看到就是爸爸的轮椅折叠起来了 but the first thing I see is Dad's wheelchair folded up
在门厅的角落里 我说 “发生什么了？” in the corner of the foyer, and I'm like, "What's going on?"
妈妈发现爸爸在外面 Mom found him outside,
在门廊下的一个阴凉地 underneath the porch in a nice shady spot,
他喜欢坐在那里看人们来来往往 where he liked to sit and watch people go by.
我对威廉有个很大的伤害 I did William a great disservice
在我们养育他的方式上 in raising him the way we did.
因为 Because,
我们一直试着教育你们 we've always tried to teach you guys
应该看人品而不是肤色 that you see character and not color.
很多次 我想 And many, many times, I wonder...
我怎么错得那么厉害 how I could be so wrong.
我记得做的唯一一个噩梦 The only nightmare I ever remember having
是我妈妈 站在在楼梯的顶端 is my mother, standing at the top of the stairway
穿着睡袍 in her nightgown.
她的头发很长 Her hair is on end.
她后面有光 There's light behind her.
我看不见她的脸 I can't see her face.
她对我说 She says to me,
“这个房子是人骨做的 "This house is made of bone.
这个房子是人骨做的 This house is made of bone.
这个房子是人骨做的” This house is made of bone."
我失败了 I failed
没有让我儿子活着 to keep my son alive.
我对不起你和你妹妹 I failed you and your sister,
没有追求正义 in not pursuing justice.
你怎么知道 How do you know...
什么时候做什么会不同？ when and what to do differently?
好了 亲爱的 OK, my dear.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
想不想用镜子看看？ Want to go up to the mirror to take a look?
我妹妹总是怀疑还有些事 My mother always suspected that there was something else,
她不知道 或者她没有被告知 that she didn't know, or that she hadn't been told,
发生了 造成了我哥哥死 that had happened, that had contributed to my brother's death.
她问我 She had asked me,
“这里有什么你知道但我不知道的吗？” "Is there anything that you know that I don't know?"
我不止一次告诉她 And I flat out lied to her on more than one occasion,
说 “没有 and said, "No.
你知道我知道的一切” You know everything I know."
那不是真的 And that wasn't true.
我从来没有告诉我妈妈 I never told my mom
威廉和我的谈话 about the conversation that William had with me.
我从没告诉我妈妈他打过电话 I never told my mother that he called.
我的大学离家300英里 I went to college 300 miles from home,
在纽约以北的中部 in the middle of upstate New York.
当我到哈密尔顿的时候 我终于可以出来了 When I got to Hamilton, I could finally come out.
我可以不用再掩藏了 I just didn't have to hide anymore.
那是一个威廉不认识的人 And that's the person that William didn't know.
当威廉发生冲突 When William had a confrontation...
不是他被枪杀那天 是大约1个月前 Not the night that he was shot but about a month earlier,
在车库 at the garage,
扔吸尘器 抓一扇车门 and threw a vacuum cleaner and picked up a... a car door...
威胁要拆了它 threatening to slam it down...
他之后给我打电话 He called me after that,
告诉我他干了什么 and told me what he had done, and...
我为他骄傲 I was proud of him.
我鼓励他 做个坏人 I cheered him on, for being a bad-ass,
不受别人的欺负 for not taking shit from anybody.
他居然打电话给我 And he actually called me.
他本来可以打给他的朋友们 He could have called his friends.
他本来可以谁也不打 He could have chosen not to call anyone.
但是他打给了我 告诉我了 But he called me, and told me about it.
因为他为自己骄傲 Because he was proud of himself.
我想他想让我为他感到骄傲 And I think that he wanted me to be proud of him.
我确实是 And I was.
我觉得有点 And I felt a little bit like...
尽管他可能还不知道他在跟谁说话 even though he might not have fully known who he was talking to...
感觉他在和那个真实的我说话 it felt like he was talking to the real me.
这就是为什么那个电话如此宝贵 And that's why that phone call is so dear.
这就是为什么它如此重要 That's why it's so important.
这就是为什么我觉得我搞砸了 And that's why I feel like I fucked it up.
马克赖利应该为威廉的死负责 Mark Reilly is accountable for William's death
因为马克赖利枪杀了威廉 because Mark Reilly shot William.
但我本来可以开始就帮助威廉远离那种情况的 But I could have helped William stay out of that situation to begin with.
如果我告诉我父母第一次的冲突 If I had told my parents about the first incident,
他会被拦住的 he would have been stopped in his tracks,
因为他们俩都会批评他的 because they both would have come down on him.
但是 But instead,
我享受 I enjoyed...
我的哥哥 是个英雄 my brother, the hero.
一个月左右以后 And a month later or so,
那个英雄死了 that hero was dead.
我哥哥的死 The madness that is my brother's death,
让我抓狂 would drive me mad,
我会发疯的 如果我不能 if I weren't able...
至少对一小部分事负责 to hold myself accountable for at least a small part of it.
因为 有点像 它就在某处 Because then, it sort of... it grounds it somewhere.
它就在地球上 It puts it on the earth,
而不是在太空里 而不是未知的 as opposed to in the ether, or as opposed to... in the unknown,
或者是匿名的 or in the anonymous.
如果我自己不在某种程度承认它 If I don't ground it, in some way, in myself,
那它就到处都是 时时刻刻 then it's everywhere, all the time.
它是无处不在的 It's ubiquitous.
它事实上是更重大 更有破坏性 And that actually is a greater, more damaging,
更沉重的负担 heavier burden to live with,
责怪我自己19岁的时候没有更聪明 than to blame myself for not being a smarter 19-year-old,
当我哥哥打电话告诉我 when my brother called me and told me
他那场愚蠢的打架 about this stupid fight that he had.
有道理吗？ Does that make sense?
詹姆斯休斯警官 萨福克郡警察局 调查过此案
警察协会 Detective's Association.
早上好 我想和詹姆斯休斯警官说话 谢谢 Good morning. I was hoping to speak to Detective James Hughes, please.
我就是 This is Detective James Hughes.
早上好 休斯警官 我是杨斯福特 Good morning, Detective Hughes. My name is Yance Ford.
我不知道我的名字你熟不熟悉 I don't know if my name is familiar to you at all.
熟悉 因为我刚刚 It's familiar because I just got back from
休假回来 听了你的留言 vacation and listened to your message.
我确实记得那个案子 我想起来了 I do remember the case.I remembered it
一听到你哥哥的名字 as soon as I heard your brother's name.
很明显 那个案子提交给大陪审团的证据 You know, obviously, the Grand Jury, when presented with the evidence,
得到了一个“不起诉决议” came back with a No True Bill on the case.
你知道 这个 You know, there was a...
大陪审团非常倾向认为这个案子是正当防卫的案子 The Grand Jury pretty much looked at the case as... a self-defense case.
他们觉得是正当的开枪 They felt it was a justifiable...shooting.
大陪审团的结论得到了事实和证据的支持 The way the Grand Jury went was supported by the facts and evidence.
这是造成案子如此棘手的部分原因 Just, you know, I mean... and that's part of what made the case so hard.
但是 不是这样的 But, I mean, this wasn't a thing
我觉得大陪审团的方向错了 where I thought the Grand Jury went the wrong way.
因为我有很多人不同的说法 Because I had a number of different statements from people,
关于这件冲突前的那个冲突 about incidents prior to this incident.
嗯 And...
我知道这之前有一次冲突 I mean, I know that there was one incident before...
在他被杀的那个晚上 the night that he was killed,
因为他告诉过我 because he told me about it.
他抓了一扇车门 他扔了一台吸尘器 You know, he'd picked up a car door. He'd thrown a vacuum cleaner.
是的 Oh, yeah.
所以我知道那次冲突 So I know that that incident occurred. I don't know...
我看看我能不能找到一些报告 Let me see if I can get a hold of any of my reports.
任何东西 任何东西你能分享给我的都非常感谢 OK. Anything... Anything you could share with me would be really helpful.
-我不能保证 但是如果我可以... -当然 -I can't promise. But if I can... -No, of course not.
我非常感激 非常感谢 I really appreciate it. Thank you very much.
-我下周内和你聊 -好的 谢谢 -I'll talk to you within the next week. -OK, sounds good. Thank you.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hey, there. -Hey.
怎么样？ How's it going?
我刚刚和休斯警官聊了 I just talked to Detective Hughes.
天哪 Oh, my goodness.
我想和你说话 想听会儿你的声音 I need to talk. I just need to hear your voice for a few minutes.
我在这 我在这 I'm right here. I'm right here.
那个该死的吸尘器... The fucking vacuum cleaner...
冲突... incident...
天哪 Oh, my God.
是为何他们没有起诉他 ...is why they didn't indict him.
什么？ What?
因为他扔了一台吸尘器 因为他抓了一扇车门 Because he threw a vacuum cleaner. Because he picked up a car door.
因为显然这足以证明恐惧的合理性 And because apparently that's enough to justify reasonable fear.
这是一种什么类型的调查？ What kind of investigation was this?
-该死的吸尘器 -我的天哪 -The fucking vacuum cleaner. -Oh, my gosh, my love.
好 OK.
等等 他还说了什么？ Wait. What else did he say?
没了 我挂了电话 Nothing. I just hung up the phone with him.
他下周再打给我 He's going to call me back next week.
-他下周再打给你 -是的 -He's gonna call you back next week.OK. -Yeah.
你在电话上哭的还是后来哭的？ Did you start crying on the phone or after?
后来哭的 我尽量没有崩溃！ After. I managed to keep myself together!
深呼吸 深呼吸一下 Deep breath. Take a deep breath.
谢谢 Thank you.
-我很快会回家 好吗？ -好 待会儿聊 拜拜 -I'll be home soon, OK? -OK. Talk to you soon. Bye.
我其实希望那个周末不在纽约 You know, I actually had hoped to not be in New York that weekend.
我想和一帮朋友在芝加哥 I had hoped to be in Chicago with a bunch of my friends.
但是我找不到人帮我在检查局当班 But I couldn't get anyone to cover my shifts at the DA's office.
我没有现金了 所以去提款机取钱 I didn't have any cash so I went to the local ATM,
我在操作的时候 and as I was doing the transaction,
我觉得后面有人 I felt something at the back of my head.
开始我还以为是我的室友 And at first I actually thought it was one of my roommates,
在跟我开玩笑 maybe playing a joke or something like that.
我转过头 I turned around and there was, you know,
看到有个男人手里拿着枪站在那里 a man standing there with a gun in his hand.
非常离奇 You know, very surreal.
就像人们描述的慢动作 You know, it's sort of...people describe... sort of slow motion.
那个时候我经历的 And that's sort of what I, you know, went through at that point.
心跳到嗓子眼 My, sort of, heart, at that point was in my throat.
我感觉自己喉头一紧 You know, I could feel my sort of...constriction, in my throat.
我向门口逃窜 And I basically made a break for the door,
我把钱给他 后面有爆炸声 you know, giving him the money, and then there was an explosion.
我实际记得我先听到声音 And, you know, I remember actually more the sound first,
然后感觉到 and then this feeling,
就像有人猛击我的肾 like someone had just, you know...punched me in the kidney, right?
嗯 And...
有个巨大的中断 And it was this huge disconnect.
先是爆炸声 It just... the explosion was one thing,
然后就是感觉到猛击我的肾 And then there was this feeling in my...like a really hard punch to the kidney.
然后我突然意识到 And then it was suddenly this realization.
“天哪 我被...他枪击了我” "Oh, my God, I've been... He shot me."
我记得大喊道 “天哪 他枪击了我” And I remember yelling out, like,"Oh my God, he shot me."
然后他走了 And then he was gone.
我记得当时想 “我不要死在这里 不是今天 I remember thinking, "I'm not going to die here. Not today.
不在布鲁克林的街道上” Not here on the streets of Brooklyn."
不好意思 And... sorry.
我把手放到背后 我说 “那是什么？” So I put my hand behind my back, because I was like, "What is that?"
我感觉到湿湿的 Like I was feeling, like... moisture.
我的手沾满了血 And my hand was soaked in blood.
我要死了 I'm dying.
于是我 So I...
我只是需要找个人 I just need to get to a live person,
我能告诉他该怎么做 someone I can talk to who's going to know what to do.
我知道总能找到人的地方 那就是地铁 I knew the one place you always find people is the subway,
还有检票员 and also the token clerk, and...
我实际上有检察官的徽章 So I actually had a badge, as a prosecutor,
我掏出我的徽章说 “帮帮我 我被枪击了” and you know, I pulled out my badge and I said, "Help me, I've been shot."
我把它放在窗户上 And I sort of put it up against the window and...
她说 “好的 你要撑住啊 你要撑住啊” She was like, "OK, alright," you know, "Hold on, honey. Hold on, honey."
她快速打了电话 然后走出来 And, you know, she quickly made a call on something and then she came out,
我后来发现 这不合乎规范 which, I found out later, is against all protocol.
但是 But...
这就是人性闪耀的时刻 it was this moment of humanity.
她 She...
她扶着我 She just held me.
她劝我坐下 我怕自己会闭上眼睛 And... she encouraged me to sit down, and I was afraid to shut my eyes,
因为如果我睡着了 我就不会醒了 because if I fall asleep, I'm not going to wake up.
于是 So...
抱歉 Sorry.
他们把我抬起来 送上了救护车 They got me up. They got me into an ambulance.
我没有意识到他们为我关闭了 I didn't realize that they shut down the
布鲁克林桥 便于我通过 Brooklyn Bridge, to get me over there.
另一件事我有点模糊的记忆 The other thing I had a vague memory of,
当我躺在地铁站的时候 when I was still down in the subway...
有两个人过来 其中一个人说 These two guys coming up and one saying,
“发生什么啦？你去哪里了？” "Hey, man, what happened? Where did you go?"
“我们看见你了 我们看见你了” 或者 “我们找不到你” You know. "We saw you, we saw you." Or, you know, "We couldn't find you."
我后来从检察官那里得知 And again, I found out later from the prosecutor
其中一个是你哥哥 that one of them was your brother.
不是你哥哥就是他的朋友 Or was your brother or his friend.
他们显然已经目睹了一部分 They apparently had seen part of it,
或者看到 一个家伙逃走了 or had seen this...one of the guys running away.
我猜有个人会去追那个家伙 And I guess one of them would chase after the guy,
另一个试着去找我 and one of them went to try to find me.
福特先生的证词基本上是 Mr. Ford's testimony was basically,
那个人在街道中间奔跑 他在后面追着他 the guy was running right down the middle of the street, and he ran after him.
那个拿枪的人 他跳到他身上 抓住了他 The guy with the gun. And jumped on him, and caught him.
我记得是这样发生的 That's my remembrance of what had happened.
我记得我们在街的中央画了一个X And I remember that we made an X right in the middle of the street,
在一张照片上 标明发生的地点 on a picture, as to where that had happened.
我是说 他的反应 I mean, he just, he reacted,
我记得 他是不是在军队服役还是什么呀？ and I was trying to remember, was he in the service or something?
是什么给了他训练或能力 What gave him the training or ability
能如此有效的处理这些事？ to handle himself in such a... effective way?
知道吗？ 无所畏惧 You know? Fearless.
他就是一个英雄 我觉得 It was a... it was a heroic act, I think.
1992年1月1日 新的一年 "January 1st, 1992. It's a new year.
我说过我不打算做任何决定 I'd said I was not going to make any resolutions,
但是有一些目标是我想要完成的 but there are some goals that I would like to get accomplished.
第一 到6月1日 我想成为一名管教所官员 One. By June 1st, I would like to be a corrections officer.
或者我想回到学校 Or I will be back in school.
这是我仅有的两个选择 These are my only two options.
第二 我想站起来 不要踌躇 Two. This year,I want to stand and not falter.
我想平息我的一些恐惧 我想感觉平静 I want to calm some of my fears. I want to feel peaceful.
今年是找寻自我的一年 This is the year for me to find me.
1月2日 January 2nd.
这只是一年中的第二天 我已经感到孤独了 It's only the second day of the year and already I'm feeling lonely.
我厌倦了生活中的每一个方面 有一种犹豫不决的感觉 I'm tired of every aspect of my life having an undecided feeling.
1月7日 January 7th.
当我回到家时 有一封来自管教部的信 When I got home, there was a letter from the Department of Corrections,
告诉我有30天的时间进入部门 但须体重达标 telling me I have 30 days to come in for my weigh-in.
我需要两天快速减肥 将在 I'm on a two-day fast, and will be
周三体重降到245磅 back down to 245 by Wednesday.
我不能要求更有力的动机了 I couldn't ask for a more powerful motivation.
年薪4万！ 40,000 dollars a year!
我想得到这份工作已经快两年了 I've been trying to get this job for almost two years,
现在一切都取决于未来的28天 and now it all comes down to the next 28 days.
我唯一要记住的是不许失败 The only thing that I must remember is that there can be no failure.
不会再开始一遍 There is no starting over.
这是我将得到的最后一次机会 我必须要得到 This is the last chance I'm going to get, and I must take it.
1月9日 241磅 January 9th. I'm at 241.
我下个目标是19号到230磅 My next goal is to be at 230 by the 19th.
再下个目标是25号到225磅 The goal after that is 225 by the 25th.
如果我30号降到220磅 Then, if I am down to 220 by the 30th,
31号我就能通过了 I will go in on the 31st.
我还是有两个秘密武器 我一直存着 And I still have two tricks up my sleeve that I've been holding in reserve:
泻药和利尿剂 Ex-Lax and Lasix.
1月28日 January 28th.
唯一的问题是 我觉得我病了 The only problem is, I think I'm getting sick.
我感觉比之前都要虚弱 I'm feeling weaker than I have felt the whole time.
我必须坚持到周五 I have to hang on until Friday.
我不在乎我是不是必须爬着去 我不会放弃的 I don't care if I have to crawl into the place. I will not give up.
1月30日 最后一天 January 30th. The last day.
我知道这是一个重新开始的机会 I do know that this is a chance to start over,
全新的一切 with a whole new everything.
不仅仅是一个新工作 It's not just a new job,
是一个新的冒险 it's a new adventure.
做成了这件事 你可以 Pull this off, and then you can...
实际上让世界一小部分是你的 actually make a small chunk of the world yours.
做成了这件事 你可以实际上让世界一小部分是你的 Pull this off, and you can actually make a small chunk of the world yours.
放手去做” Just do it."
亲爱的候选人 "Dear Candidate,
这是对你市公务员委员会申诉的答复 This is in reply to your appeal to the City Civil Service Commission
你被取消资格 of your disqualification for appointment
对上述职位 管教官 to the above position, Correction Officer,
因为医学上的原因：体重 for medical reasons: weight.
市人事局局长批准了你的上诉 The City Personnel Director has granted your appeal,
你已经被标记：合格” and you have been marked: qualified."
5月15日 It's May 15th,
这个时候他已经去世了 so he has been dead now...
他已经去世6周了 He's been dead for six weeks.
但是 嗨 But, hey,
他在医学方面是合格的 he's medically qualified.
你好？ Hello?
你好 Hi!
哦 我去了 Oh, I'm getting there.
我眼睛做了手术 I had my eyes done.
我看起来好像和拳王阿里打了架 I certainly look as if I fought with Muhammad Ali,
他打完我 去吃饭了 he beat me up, went and had dinner,
然后回来又揍我的脸！ and came back and punched me in the face some more!
孩子们挺好的 The children are doing well.
他们已经不是孩子了 They're not children anymore.
他们告诉我该做什么 They tell me what to do.
但是时不时的 你要让他们恢复原位 But every now and then, you've got to put them back in place.
你必须让他们知道你还是老板 You've got to let them know that you're still the boss.
我还是老板哦 杨斯 I'm still the boss, Yance.
我一直都知道 I always knew that.
谢谢你打电话过来 Thank you for calling.
你给我的生活带来了灿烂的阳光 You brought bright rays of sunshine in my life.
你在做什么？ What are you doing now?
我想确保顺着你的脸颊往下都有冰 I want to make sure that there's ice going down the side of your cheek.
比如 到这里 Like, to this place, here.
好 OK.
还有沿着这边 And down the side of here, also.
这样角落里也有冰了 You know, so that we get some ice on the corners.
那你为什么不从这里往后面拉一条带子呢？ So why don't you put a piece of tape from here, back there?
如果你需要把耳环摘下来 可以摘 And if you need to take the earring out, you can.
根据我的记忆 From what I was able to put together...
2月16日有一场车祸 ...there was a car accident on February 16th.
明显的是 是超级站的车 Apparently, it was with a Super Stang
由马克赖利开的 vehicle, driven by Mark Reilly.
现场达成了协议 There was an agreement made at the scene
超级站会把车修好 that Super Stang would fix the car.
时间过去了 Then time started to stretch out.
3月19日 蕾丝琳和你妈妈 By March 19th, Lesline and your mom went
去店里看进展如何 to the shop to see what was going on.
麦克赖利可能说了些让你妈妈不开心的话 Mark Reilly may have said something that got your mom... your mom upset,
让威廉也不开心 which got William upset.
威廉和凯文迈尔斯去店里 And William went to the shop with Kevin Myers.
威廉和托马斯达特瑞说话 William was speaking to Thomas Datre.
很巧 他现在上新闻了 你看到了吗？ Coincidentally, he's in the news now. Have you seen it?
看到了 I have.
威廉和达特瑞说话 William was talking to Datre.
他很生气 因为赖利使他母亲心烦意乱 He was very angry because he'd upset his mother.
他被说成 “气得发抖” He was described as "shaking with anger."
他想知道谁对他妈妈不敬 Wanted to know who disrespected his mother.
他抓了一扇车门想扔出去 从一辆克尔维特牌车上 He picked up a car door and was about to throw it, from a Corvette.
克尔维特车的女车主在场 The girl who owned the Corvette was there
进来了 他把车门放下来 and stepped in. He put the door down.
然后威廉拿起了一台吸尘器 举过头 At that time William picked up a vacuum, put it over his head.
里面的水流下来了 The water kind of, like, fell out onto him,
他把吸尘器扔坏了 and he threw the vacuum and broke it.
他拿起了一把锤子 朝马克赖利走去 He picked up a hammer, and began... He came at Mark Reilly.
我想他是想让马克负责 I guess he held him responsible,
因为他认为马克就是那个对他母亲不敬的人 because he may have been the one who disrespected your mom.
他从未向他挥过拳 没有打过他 也从未威胁过他 He never swung it at him, never hit him, he never threatened him.
-但是他手里有锤子 -是的 -But he had the hammer in his hand. -Right.
马克吓呆了 Mark was petrified.
但是在场的其他人 他们实际上有点 But other members there, they actually were kind of, like...
在嘲笑他 laughing at him.
他们叫他小女生 And they were calling him a little girl.
他明显吓到了 I mean, he was obviously frightened.
你哥哥是个大块头 他被吓住了 Your brother was a big guy, and he was intimidated.
之后 威廉回家了 After that, William went home,
你妈妈注意到他湿透了 and your mom noticed that he was soaking wet.
问他发生什么事了 他说 Asked what happened, and he said
他去健身房锻炼出的汗 that he was... he was wet with sweat from the gym.
我查了下 去了健身房 And I followed up on that. I went to the gym.
你哥哥那天没有去健身房 But your brother had not been at the gym that day.
我当时在场 克尔维特车意外那晚 I was there, the night of the... Corvette incident
威廉一直说 “我该怎么办？ You know, William kept saying, "What do I have to do?
为什么我的车还没修好？你有时间做其他事情” Why isn't my car being fixed? You got time to work on everything else."
他是这样的 然后我看到了克尔维特车 And he's... kind of like this. And then he saw the Corvette.
我说 “别动克尔维特车！” I was like, "No, not the Corvette!" You know, kind of like that, you know.
然后 And,
他没有弄坏车 he never damaged the car.
不是那种场面 因为有人在笑 And it wasn't a situation. Because there were guys laughing.
有人在...我不想用那个词“怂恿他" There were people, like... I don't want to use the word "egging him on,"
但是戏弄他 but clowning with him.
我们在嘲笑 戏弄他 We were laughing, and clowning, and...
那里当时有10-15人 怕什么？ I'd say there were ten to 15 people there. Scared of what?
车辆随后 The vehicle was subsequently
给回你妈妈了 我猜 released to your... to your mom, I guess.
还有件事 There was something about somebody
店里的人跟踪车子回了家 from the shop following the car home,
导致了 在4月7日 and as a result of that, on April 7th,
凯文迈尔斯和威廉又回了超级站 Kevin Myers, again with William, returned to Super Stang.
威廉对着汤姆达特瑞吼叫 And William was yelling at Tom Datre,
最后看见了马克 跟着马克 and ultimately sees Mark, and goes after Mark.
马克回到了他的油漆室 拿了一把来福枪 Mark retreated into the paint room, where he grabbed a rifle.
你哥哥走进油漆室靠近他 Your brother walked into the paint room and approached,
说了句 “你打算怎么办？” made a comment about, "What are you gonna do with that?".
他向他走过去 He came at him.
马克开了一枪 击中了他的胸部 And Mark fired one shot. Hit him in the chest.
是的 Right.
有关这件事所有的真相就这些了 我可以告诉你 There was no stone left unturned in this, I can tell you that.
真是件不幸的事 It's just... an unfortunate thing.
我当然已经尽了全力 你知道的 I mean, I certainly put every effort into this being, you know,
100% 110%的投入 into this being covered 100 percent, 110 percent.
1992年4月1日 "April 1st, 1992.
明天 我必须去布鲁克林区的法院 Tomorrow, I have to go to court in downtown Brooklyn,
是我在布瑞恩案子作证的第一天 for my first day of testimony in the Breen case.
博瑞尔先生希望10点见我 Mr. Boyar is expecting me by ten o'clock.
我要在干洗店关门前去拿我的外套” I need to pick up my suit from the dry cleaners before they close."
4月2日 威廉在国王县法院 This is where William was on April 2nd: Kings County Court.
4月3日 威廉在这里 This is where William was, April 3rd:
为控方作证 testifying for the prosecution.
4月6日 周一 威廉在这里 This is where William was on Monday, April 6th.
4月7日 周二 威廉在这里 This is where William was on Tuesday, April 7th.
国王县法院 为控方作证 Kings County Court, testifying for the prosecution.
车辆随后 The vehicle was subsequently
给到了你的 你的妈妈 我想 released to your... to your mom, I guess.
还有件事 There was something about somebody
店里的人跟踪车子回了家 from the shop following the car home,
结果导致 and... as a result of that,
4月7日 威廉回到了超级站 on April 7th, William returned to Super Stang.
我想这只是 And I think it was just, you know...
你哥哥为发生在你妈妈身上的事所困扰 your brother was caught up in what had happened to your mom.
我下车 福特下车 I get out. Ford gets out.
我记得他进了院子 I remember him going into the yard and
有人从店门出来 somebody coming out of the shop door,
和他在院子里碰面 and meeting him in the yard.
他们开始交谈 我说 “我们走吧” Words started getting exchanged, and I said, "Oh, here we go."
威廉在外面争论 在院子里 William was arguing outside, in the yard,
和其他人而不是开枪的那个小子？ with someone other than the kid who shot him at the time?
-对 -好 -Correct. -OK.
和他争吵的人是汤姆达特瑞 So, the person he was arguing with was Tom Datre, Jr.
-他是店主吧？ -是的 -He was sort of the owner of the shop? -Right.
那个在店后面 拿着来福枪的人 And that the person who was in the back, with the rifle...
不好意思 他的名字是马克赖利 Excuse me. His name was Mark Reilly.
他是店员 He was an employee of the shop.
是的 Right.
我看到达特瑞在事发的两年前 I read that Datre Jr. had been, two years before that...
被捕了 实际上 arrested for, essentially,
在他父母家的车库里开了一家卖贼赃店 running a chop-shop out of the garage at his parents' house.
他雇佣孩子 He recruited kids,
付钱给他们去偷车 and paid them to steal cars.
他把车拆解了卖 卖零件 And then he chopped up the cars, and sold... sold off the pieces.
我试着弄明白的是 What I'm trying to figure out is...
发生了什么 如果有的话？ what happened, if anything?
和汤姆达特瑞说了什么 如果有的话 What did William say, if anything, to Tom Datre Jr.,
当他们在院里 在车库外面？ when they were in the yard, outside of the garage?
他并没有做任何威胁 You know,he didn't make any threats.
他没有说 “我要揍你一顿” He didn't say, "I'm gonna beat you up."
他说 “我被警察学院和管教学院录取了 He says, "I got accepted to Police Academy and Corrections Academy.
随便我成为哪个（警官或者管教官） 我告诉你 When I become either one, I am telling you,
我要把这里关了” I'm going to get this place shut down."
福特对他说的话很认真 Ford was serious about what he was saying,
但是他没有做任何事 在那天晚上 but he wasn't doing anything... anything that night,
挑起打斗 或被枪杀 to provoke a fight, or to get shot.
谈话的内容是 “我要这样做 一旦我成了警察” It was a conversation. "I'm gonna do this, once I become a cop."
然后他走开了 那时候马克走出来了 Then we started to walk away. That's when Mark walked out.
他既不吃惊也不恐慌 He didn't look surprised. He didn't look panicked.
他只是瞥了一眼 掉头就回车库了 He just glanced and made a U-turn, and went back into the garage.
那是威廉看着我的时候 他只是走了 That's when William looked at me and he just kind of went,
“他就是那个骂我妈妈的家伙” "That's the guy that cursed out my mother."
我嘛... I was like...
威廉转身 他什么也没说 他转身就走了 William turned. He didn't say anything. He just turned and he walked.
他走到门口 向左 And he got to the doorway. He made a left.
那个时候 我们听到了一声 砰 So then, we heard a pop.
没有说 “站住！我要开枪了！ 我害怕了！” There was no: "Stop! I'll shoot you! I'm scared!"
没有扭打 没有打斗 No scuffle, no fight.
威廉转身 然后被枪击了 William turned and was shot.
我不理解为什么是正当防卫 因为有其他选择 I don't understand the self-defense, because there were options.
这地方肯定有后门 There had to be a back door to the place.
赖利完全可以走 He could have went that way.
我确信有些门后面有锁 I'm sure some door had a lock behind it.
甚至他们说 “一个月前的事” Even when they say, "This happened a month ago,"
或者 “他害怕” 或者这些那些 or "He was afraid," or this and that...
好 一个月前 你害怕 OK, so a month ago, you were afraid.
但那不是那天晚上的真相 If that even was the truth that night.
在离开 And after leaving...
大陪审团以后 the Grand Jury,
我上车后就知道他们要干嘛了 I kind of got in the car, and I kind of knew... what they were at.
我不知道是不是可行 I didn't know if it would work,
但是我强烈感觉到 but I strongly felt
一切都是为了让案子表现为 that everything was being made to present a case of...
“马克害怕了 他做的一切都是因为他害怕了” "Mark was scared. He did what he did because he was scared."
“右胸枪伤 "Gunshot wound of the right chest.
出血性伤口 右胸壁穿孔 Hemorrhagic wound track, perforating right chest wall,
纵隔 心 左肺 左胸壁 mediastinum, heart, left lung, and left chest wall.
伤口路径：从前到后 从右到左 向下 Wound path: front to back, right to left and downward.
发现变形非夹套小口径子弹 Deformed, non-jacketed, small caliber bullet recovered.
没有证据表明火药点或烟灰沉积 There is no evidence of gunpowder stippling or soot deposition
在伤口附近的皮肤上” on the skin around the wound."
没有近距离射击的证据 There is no evidence of close range firing.
你如何衡量合理恐惧的距离？ How do you measure the distance of reasonable fear?
恐惧的轮廓是什么？ What are the contours of fear?
你的眼睛告诉了你什么？ What do your eyes tell you?
你看见我哥哥了吗？ Do you see my brother?
打捞这条河 你就会找到他 Dredge the river and you will find him.
或者有可能是他的人 Or someone who could have been him.
所以你告诉我 So you tell me,
谁的恐惧合理？ whose fear is reasonable?
尸体已经冷却 "The body is cold,
而且僵硬 四肢均是如此 and rigor is present and fixed to an equal degree in all extremities.
左耳垂上有一个耳洞 There is an earring hole in the left earlobe.
没有观察到纹身或针眼 No tattoos or needle tracks are observed.
虹膜是棕色的 角膜混浊 The irides are brown, the cornea are cloudy,
结膜正常 the conjunctivae are unremarkable.
肝脏正常 The liver is unremarkable.
肾脏正常 The kidneys are unremarkable.
心脏 The heart...
正常” is unremarkable."
我看着大陪审团 I looked at... the Grand Jury.
我环视一周 I looked around.
我看谁在注意听 I saw who was paying attention.
好吗？ OK?
你怎么能做出一个切实可行的决定呢 How could you come to a viable decision,
如果你在看杂志 if you're reading a magazine,
如果你在玩填字游戏 if you're doing a crossword puzzle,
如果你在和别人聊天？ if you're talking with somebody?
我觉得在陪审团里服务 I think serving on a jury,
特别是大陪审团 and particularly a Grand Jury,
是一种最大的特权 is one of the greatest... privileges
作为这个国家的公民 of citizenship in this country.
你不应该那样行使 And you shouldn't take it that way,
基于种族 信仰或肤色 based on race, creed or color.
你应该判断所提交证据的内容 You should judge the content of the evidence presented.
我的感觉是他们根本就不在乎 My feelings were that they just didn't give a damn.
如果我今天 明天或后天死去 And if I die today, tomorrow or the next day,
我死也相信他们不在乎 I will die believing that they didn't care,
因为我的儿子是个有色年轻人 because my son was a young man of color.
我会一直相信这点 一直 I will always believe that. Always.
直到我死那天 Until the day I die.
今天是选举日 早上4点 It was election day and... four o'clock in the morning,
电话响了 the phone rings.
我知道这个时间有电话肯定有坏事发生了 I knew because of the time that something was wrong.
是这样 有一天 And there was this...one day,
在她昏迷之前 before she was in a coma,
我以为她是想从床上爬起来 where I thought that she was trying to pull herself up in bed.
我伸出右手 And I had given her my right hand,
你知道 to, you know...
我伸出右手 让她用右手抓住 I had offered my right hand, for her to grasp with her right hand.
我以为她是想从床上爬起来 And I thought she was trying to pull herself up.
她其实是想把我拉到她身边 And really she was trying to pull me toward her.
嗯 And...
我花了五分钟才意识到 it took me a good five minutes to realize that...
我想让我妈妈在床上舒服些 I was trying to make my mother more comfortable in bed,
她想要我拥抱她 and what she wanted was for me to hug her.
你跌跌撞撞地走出车库来到院子里 You stumble out of the garage and into the yard,
你跌倒在那里 where you fall.
你躺在地上 胸口上有洞 You lie on the ground, hole in your chest,
另一个洞在你的肺部 another in your lung.
你感到痛苦 知道你再也见不到你的妹妹们了 You feel the pain and know you will never see your sisters again.
你的妈妈 你的爸爸 Your mother. Your father.
你想知道你的家人怎么能活下来 You wonder how your family will survive this.
你意识到你无法活下来 You realize that you will not survive this.
你意识到你饿了32天 什么都没有得到 You realize you starved yourself for 32 days, for nothing.
你躺在地上 子弹穿过心脏 You lie on the ground, bullet through your heart.
你不能说话 没有人跟你说话 You can't speak, and no one speaks to you.
你不知道你的死亡 实际上 You do not know your death may, in fact,
实际上是你家庭的死亡 be the actual death of our family.
你不知道我们在悲伤中沉默 You do not know that we are silent in our grief,
即使是对彼此 even with one another.
你不知道你的凶手会说他必须枪杀你 You do not know your killer will say he had to shoot you.
你不知道你的凶手会让你成为一个魔鬼 You do not know your killer will make you out to be a monster.
马克赖利会让你成为一个魔鬼 Mark Reilly will make you out to be a monster,
人们会相信他 and people will believe him.
你不知道这里没有审判 You do not realize that there will be no trial.
你不知道那个23岁白人将决定 You don't know that 23 white people will decide
他甚至没有犯下罪行 no crime has even been committed.
你知道那里可能没有天堂 You realize there may be no Heaven.
可能只有地面 There may only be the ground.
雷查尔斯：“让美好时光滚滚而来” Ray Charles: "Let the Good Times Roll"